Real?

Has it really been over a month since I posted something? Sorry it’s been so quiet here. For the first 10 weeks of this pregnancy, I was in a very weird place. It couldn’t be me. There was no way this was all happening to me. I was being delusional. I was looking at someone else’s ultrasound, talking about someone else. Because its always someone else.

Except this time it’s me.

I had an ultrasound last week at 10w4d, and baby was measuring 11w1d. She measured the heartbeat on the ultrasound at 169. Exactly what it should be. Baby was rolling around, kicking its legs… It was real.

Wait, is this real? Is this ME?

I finally told my BFF this weekend while we were on vacation with her family. It went well, better than I might have thought. I think it’s a little more real to me, I actually have talked about the pregnancy since I told her. A and I literally had no conversations before this, every time it ended in a disagreement because I was so disconnected and cold, he thought I needed to be excited, and we just ended up avoiding the topic altogether. But now I’ve talked. And I think it’s real.

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