Doubts

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This fortune showed up in my fortune cookie Friday night. {side note: I think that was the last Chinese I’ll eat for a long, long time…ugh}

Normally with fortunes, I think they’re just there for a good laugh. A’s grandma used to go out to lunch with all her little church ladies and they’d giggle and giggle at each one, adding “between the sheets” to the end. Now we usually just laugh at them, and save them to send to her.

But this one… this one was different. I’m not putting much stock in a tiny piece of paper that came out of a cookie, but I certainly had doubts coming into this month. Go back and read my old posts. And now? Maybe I can have hope. I’m incredibly grateful that I actually got pregnant on an unmediated month. I believe God did that to show His power through me. Now I’m holding out hope He continues to work that power inside my weak body.

I’m still totally in a place of denial and disbelief. I’m feeling waves of nausea, and writing them off to whatever else I can. This can’t be real can it? Something must have been wrong with the tests an numbers. I can’t wait for Tuesday when I’ll get Monday’s results. I’m just too curious what they might tell me. And I’m even more anxious for my ultrasound in 2 weeks… Could I actually see a baby with a beating heart in there? I’ll be sobbing on the table if we get to that point.

Thanks for sticking around and congratulating and supporting me. If you’re the praying type, keep me in your prayers as I guard my heart but try to be open to the possibility of life here.

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