Adios, August

For the second year in a row, I’m not sad to see August go. This month has held the due dates of both of my should-be babies. August 7 and August 18 are my two recorded due dates, and yet another August passes and I sit here with empty arms.

As glad as I am to see it pass, it’s also a stark reminder that it’s been almost 9 months since I’ve been pregnant. Ouch. This infertility/miscarriage cycle is painful. I had hopes again this year that I would be pregnant before my due date, hoping that would ease some of the pain of that day. But thats a no go.

I told my RE when I started there my whole story, getting pregnant in November, miscarrying, getting pregnant in November again, miscarrying again – I said I didn’t want it to be the same this year. I wanted the cycle to be over. Forever. He gave me confidence that wouldn’t be the case, and I thought for sure one of my three clomid cycles would be the golden ticket, but again… no go. I’m very curious what he will have to say at our consultation next month. I’m anxious about what his next steps for us will be. Nervous we’ll never get off this awful ride.

I’m praying he has renewed hope for us, because we (I) need it.

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