Remember my BFF? And the simultaneous pregnancies we had? And the full-term baby she got out of that?

During her pregnancy, she had (very informally) suggested she wanted A and I to be her baby’s godparents. I was elated.

My mom’s sister and her husband are my godparents, and it’s been a wonderful relationship and experience. My aunt makes sure to make that relationship special, and she’s kind of my go-to person. We are very close, and I know she’d be there in half a second if I needed her. She has modeled love and support like no one else in my life. I was so excited to get to be that to another sweet baby (girl) (G). I dreamed of taking her out for ice cream and chatting about life. I dreamed of the special place I would hold in her heart that my godmother holds in mine.

BFF never said anything else beyond this. I thought it was kind of weird, but she had lots of other stuff going on, so I didn’t bring it up until baby girl was a few months old. I don’t remember the situation, but we were not getting along one day, and I brought it up. I told her I was just wondering what her thoughts were since she never said anything more than when she was a few months pregnant. Her response was not at all what I was expecting. My heart sank.

She said since we have a close relationship with their two older boys already, they didn’t want to wreck that relationship by making us G’s god parents. Huh? She said they thought they were going to choose some other friends that they are not very close with. I just don’t get it. The new godmother wont put effort into that special relationship with G. I know I can still have that, I can still put effort, all I’m missing is a title – but that title means everything to me. Especially considering there are lots of days I don’t think I’ll ever get the title “mother”, the title “godmother” means everything.

One of the shows we are currently obsessing over (there were so many last year! And I can’t wait for fall!) is Up All Night. Season 1, episode 17 – Amy’s first birthday. Reagan’s (the mom) best friend Ava was under the impression she was Amy’s godmother. At Amy’s first birthday party, her real godparents called. And Ava is crushed. I knew exactly how she felt. She tells them:

“Lets face it, I’m never going to have a baby. And when Amy was born, I just thought being godmother would be the next best thing. ”

Alas, I’m still waiting for that next best thing. Someday…

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